I have always wanted to write a novel

I joined the NaBloWriMo, and I decided to dedicate my 30 days of blog entries to NaNoWriMo.

I have always wanted to write a novel, but never managed to actually write one.
I know I'm not the only one with that dream.
I also know there's more, MUCH more, to being a published author than just writing, but it IS the first step, and I haven't managed to take even that.

Perhaps all the nay-sayers are right, and I shouldn't be even dreaming of writing, but I happen to believe that our dreams are taylored for us. I believe in God, and I believe it is God who put the dream of becoming a writer inside me, but even if there is no God, I believe the reason for me being here is so that I will write a book. Preferably many, and preferably get them published too :-D

I also believe that talent is overrated. I believe that you can make yourself and your life to be what you want it to be, and if you just do the work, you will manage as an author. After all, every year thousands of books are being published, bought and read, one more or less doesn't make much difference. I believe I can support myself with my writing, if I just write.

That is my main goal, the achievable, reasonable, rational, realistic goal. To support myself with my writing. To write myself in to economical and social independence.

Sure, it would be lovely, if I became rich too, but considering that there is some 200 fiction writers in USA, and the average income for a fiction writer in the U.S. is $6,500 [I don't know if this is for a month, because that would be above the average income of the whole population of USA, which would make writing a good job, or for the whole year, which would be the same as my current income, now, on disability, which would make writing an insanely bad job, one that doesn't even pay the rent. (My husband's income is what supports us today)] and that would be ok with me. Even if that amount was the yearly income.

The second reason to why I want to write a novel is that books have always been a great comfort to me. They are affordable luxury, a thing that connects me with a huge chunk of humanity: the people who like to read, they are an escape, encouragement, support, comfort and entertainment... I want to pay forward what I have got from all the authors in my life, and keep getting. If I managed to write something that is to someone a calm harbor in the chaotic life, a warm blanket, inspiration... the things books have been to me, I would consider myself having accomplished something worthwhile.

There is also this storyteller aspect of writing novels. I love storytellers. I think storytellers are the core and the source of all culture. I believe we write books, make movies, paint pictures, to tell stories. The variety of ways of telling stories

Of course I dream of writing a best seller, becoming a prolific and beloved writer, like Barbara Cartland and Agatha Christie, but also become a GOOD writer, to win literary prizes, especially the Nobel Prize...

I don't want to become a celebrity. The mere idea makes me spout invectives. :-D I want my book to be in Oprah's book club, but I don't want to be on Oprah. Well... perhaps... the gift basket, I hear, is quite something :-D But I suppose, if my book gets on Oprah's book club, I'll have plenty of money to buy my own gift baskets, so I don't need to endure the publicity. :-D

None of that is though the answer to "What’s the source of the uneasiness that nags at you, the compulsion to spin tales and put word after word on a blank page?"

I don't know why I write. I really don't know... I write down the scenes and words that appear in my head all the time, I fantasize when I lay down to sleep, I sleep to dream, I listen to the stories when I wait, when I travel, when I take a shower, do the dishes, use the toilet, walk the dog... I had imaginary friends whose imaginarity was a self-evident part of their being, whose company I preferred to real humans. I still do. I don't control them, tell them what to do, what to say, I don't decide what they look, they appear fully perfect, and have their own ideas, thoughts and opinions... I could dye their hair or give them colored contact lenses, but we all are very aware that that's what they are - not their "real" hair or eye color, but disguise.
I have been writing since I learned to write, it feels like... I have also been illustrating my stories. Most of the doodles I have ever drawn are illustrations to what my inner storyteller tells...

Oh, I do have PTSD, yearning, haunting secrets and biggest fears too, like everyone else... but I'm not going to talk about that. I'm supposed to write it into books, remember? ;-)

So you want to be a writer? Here's how
Genius, the modern view
Why do you want to be a writer?
So you want to be a writer
Why do you want to be a writer?

P.S. I went to my 100 day writing journal, and see that everything I wrote yesterday is not there. Don't know what happened. I thought I saved. Now I wonder if everything else I wrote has magically disappeared. (I just checked, no it didn't. Phew!)

P.P.S. I got my article accepted at EzineArticles :-D
I know they don't pay anything, and so, but it's great writing practice, I think, and they do read and edit it, and I - a non-English speaker - think that's really great. I TRY to do "100 articles in 100 days", that is, write 100 articles this year, and have them published too :-D I know, I know, I'm trying to swallow the dinner in one bite, again.

P.P.P.S. I have decided to push the income part of this challenge to the next 100 days period :-D
I'll concentrate on writing, and will write 2000 words a day the rest of these 100 days.